[TEEN MOVIE REVIEW] WALL-E (warning: spoilers)

NOTE: the following was written by my 13 year-old daughter Kira, who has agreed to provide a teen’s perspective on media that might interest other teens. With the exception of minor editorial corrections, the views and phrasing are hers alone.

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Pixar has done it again. WALL-E is their newest movie. It tells the tale of a little robot named- you guessed it- WALL-E. WALL-E has been cleaning up Earth for as long as he can remember, making it possible for humans to return to Earth after being aboard a spacecraft for 700 years. His only companion was a cockroach. All WALL-E wanted was love, which he had learned about from listening to and watching the film “Hello Dolly”.

Enter: EVE. EVE is a robot sent to Earth on a classified mission. But as soon as WALL-E sees her, he falls in love. EVE falls in love with WALL-E as well.

But when WALL-E presents EVE with a plant, everything goes haywire. EVE captures the plant and stores it inside of her shell of a body, going dormant. WALL-E doesn’t know what to do. He takes her with him everywhere, hoping that she will revive from her passive state.

When a ship comes to take EVE, WALL-E hitches a ride. He arrives on the Axiom, the ship that had taken everybody from Earth 700 years before.

In a mad dash to find EVE, WALL-E comes across some pretty odd things. The humans are all FAT. They have no clue that they can do anything other than sit on their hover-chairs and use technology for everything. None of them have ever even stood up in their lives.

But little of this matters to WALL-E. All he cares about is finding EVE. WALL-E searches high and low, looking for his true love. When he finds her, she is with the captain of the ship, who has discovered that they can now go back to Earth, since EVE brought back proof that the planet is now capable of supporting life.

But the autopilot has other plans. He refuses to let them go back to Earth, even if he has to kill WALL-E and EVE. Can WALL-E and EVE save the day and get everybody back to Earth? Watch WALL-E to find out.

I thought that WALL-E was the best movie in a long time. It was so pure and simple. I could feel sheer joy while watching this. But, the characters swayed me in such away that I wanted to die during the more depressing scenes. It was an excellent movie, which I rate an A ++++++++++! (10 +’s)

[TEEN MOVIE REVIEW] The Prestige

NOTE: the following was written by my 13 year-old daughter Kira, who has agreed to provide a teen’s perspective on media that might interest other teens. With the exception of minor editorial corrections, the views and phrasing are hers alone.

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Every magic trick consists of three parts, or acts. The first part is called ‘The Pledge’. The magician shows you something ordinary: a deck of cards, a bird, or a man. He shows you this object. Perhaps he asks you to inspect it, to see that it is indeed real, unaltered, normal. But, of course, it probably isn’t. The second act is called ‘The Turn’. The magician takes the ordinary something and makes it do something extraordinary. Now you’re looking for the secret, but you won’t find it. Because, of course, you’re not really looking. You don’t really want to know. You want to be fooled. But you wouldn’t clap yet, because making something disappear isn’t enough. You have to bring it back. That’s why every magic trick has a third act. The hardest part. The part we call ‘The Prestige’.

These are the words that greet you when you turn on The Prestige. Starring Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, and Sir Michael Caine, The Prestige tells a tale of revenge, betrayal, heartbreak, jealousy, and lies. It’s the story of Robert Angier (Jackman) and Alfred Borden (Bale), two aspiring magicians, and how their desire to destroy one another destroys everybody around them.

The movie centers around one thing: “The Transported Man”. It is a trick that every magician wants, but none can truly have: the magician displays himself, vanishes, and appears in another location in a split second. Some have come up with ways to mimic it, but nobody can really do it. Angier is positive that Borden has the real trick, and will stop at nothing to have its secret. His obsession borders on insanity, driving him to Colorado to meet the infamous Nikola Telsa (played by rock star David Bowie). Cutter (Caine), Angier’s mentor, tries to stop his self-destructive quest, but cannot.

I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, but found myself very confused during my first viewing. You never know where it’s going to go. You may think you know it all, but you don’t. I loved this movie, but if you aren’t the best at following plots, I wouldn’t recommend it. If you have the guts to view this movie, ask yourself this one question while watching this: Are you watching closely?

(WII GAME REVIEW) Hulk

HULK PRESS BUTTONS! WAIT, HULK NOT SMASH? Let me get this straight: the game’s protagonist spends most of his time punching, grabbing, and throwing stuff. How is this not the freaking poster child for motion controls? For all its shortcomings (keep reading), the Wii iteration of Hulk could have been a real winner if players felt immersed in the experience– boxing motions to strike, A+B to grab, throwing motions to hurl taxi cabs, and so on. Instead, we punch with B or Z, grab and throw with D-pad down, and use (spastic and unintuitive) motion controls only for odd events like healing and pushing off giant adversaries.

I won’t pretend that a lack of motion controls kills the game completely, because there is still a lot of visceral satisfaction to just wandering around crushing stuff (beating baddies to death with ambulances, for example). But seriously: a decent motion control scheme with a touch of artfully-placed rumble would have tacked 20% onto my overall score for this game.

COMIC RELIEF Most innocent bystanders scream or plead when you grab them off the streets, but some indignantly accuse Hulk of invading their “personal space”. And for all that the destructability of the environment is sometimes spotty, I was pleasantly surprised when a cab thrown from one rooftop embedded itself in the next building.

WHATTAYA MEAN, I CAN’T BREAK THAT WALL? I JUST KNOCKED DOWN A SKYSCRAPER! All destructible environment games have limitations on just how many object types can really be destroyed, but Hulk was sometimes stymied by relatively flimsy objects… including, once, what looked for all the world like a wide-open tunnel that he could neither walk nor punch through.

WAS THAT TRUCK FULL OF CEMENT OR HELIUM? The physics engine in this game feels very dated. Objects that Hulk throws or kicks out of his way often behave more like balloons than heavy, solid masses.

WELL, THAT’S WAS UNIQUE Once, during a load screen, my Wii locked up, hard– as in, I had to yank the power cord to restart. Maybe it was piece of sloppy coding, or maybe it was just a freak thing, but that was the first time I’ve ever seen my system freeze.

GAMMA RADIATION FOR THE EYES All right, that may be a little harsh, but this game feels way too pixel-y, especially since the models and textures are generally quite basic. Developers: we know the Wii is more Toyota than Ferrari, but even a Camry can win a few races if you just bother to step on the gas. For God’s sake, try to make it look pretty! This would’ve been a “B” effort on the Gamecube.

GOOD THING MY EARS WORK The worst graphics in the game are reserved for the subtitles, which are often barely legible. The hearing impaired will have to squint to follow the plot.

BOOM! AARGH! The sounds and music are above average– the soundtrack can be positively pulse-pounding, stuff crashes around with satisfyingly destructive noises, and the voice acting seems to have come straight from the movie.

OVERALL: 5.5/10

Hulk’s graphical shortcomings (an almost expected weakness of Wii games) might have been excusable, had it only taken advantage of motion controls (an almost expected strength of Wii games). This was a huge missed opportunity.

[GAME REVIEW] Wii Fit

It’s a game! It’s exercise! It’s a brand-spanking new input device!

Is it any good?

IN A NUTSHELL Wii Fit guides you through a variety of exercises (yoga, aerobic, and strength) and games, most of which make use the wireless balance board. The software also tracks your weight, showing your progress towards any weight loss goal you care to set.

THE PERIPHERAL We’ll start with the balance board itself, and let me get this out of the way: the little booger is just cute as all getout. It’s also light enough to be moved around without too much strain (though that would be bonus exercise), but solid and low enough to the ground that you won’t worry about it sliding or tipping. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that this will be the first foot-based controller to see broad success and be used for more than one application (skating, snowboard, and presumably surfing games are already in production).

FEEL THE BURN… IN YOUR FEELINGS! Wii Fit can be painfully honest, sometimes unneccesarily so. I understand when it says “that’s overweight”, but does it really have to let out a surprised yelp when I first step on the balance board?

CAN WII ACTUALLY GET FIT? While not all the activities are muscle- or cardio-intensive, make no mistake: Wii Fit really can get your blood pumping. The pushup/side plank activity, in particular, has been cited as particularly grueling for the uninitiated… and I quite honestly could have puked after knocking out my first marathon Super Hula Hoop session. While this device won’t offer much challenge to a trained athlete, the average couch potato can absolutely burn calories and increase muscle mass. A point to consider: many of the strength training exercises are most effective only if performed in the slow, controlled manner of your onscreen trainer. Cheat if you like, but you’ll be minimizing your results.

WHAT ABOUT MII? Miis are well integrated. In addition to your own personal avatar, you’ll see the populace of your Mii plaza dancing, kicking soccer balls, and generally cheering you on throughout the game’s activities.

WAIT, REAL EXERCISE? THAT DOESN’T SOUND FUN AT ALL. The balance games themselves range from inane to mildly addictive, and are about Wii Sports-level in terms of gameplay and presentation. I’ll actually give the Wii Fit balance games a slight advantage over Wii Sports in one important aspect: the control is very polished in Wii Fit, while Wii Sports had some rough edges that belied its origins as a tech demo (I’m looking at you, short putts in the golf game). In any event, some of the games are actually very fun, and quite challenging– you don’t know how hard it can be to shift your balance quickly and with precision until you start missing gates in the ski slalom.

I DID NOT KNOW THAT. A really nifty touch (one I’ll admit I haven’t personally unlocked just yet) are activities that can be done without the game actually appearing on your television. As an example, my daughter was able to step on and off the balance board for half an hour, all while watching a show on our DVR. When the TV program was over, she switched the set’s video input back to the Wii, which provided feedback on her activity. This sort of functionality has great potential, especially if expanded upon– I’d like to be able to set a target (1000 steps, or some such) and have the Wii’s blue light flicker to let me know when I’ve reached my goal.

IF IT’S ALL ABOUT FITNESS, WHY IS IT SO HOMELY? Graphically, this game looks an awful lot like Wii Sports: cute and cartoony. Also like Wii Sports, I can’t say that I particularly care about Wii Fit’s simple graphics– immersive, well-implemented new control schemes (motion controls for Wii Sports, balance board for Wii Fit) very much compensate for low polygon counts.

HA! The soccer heading game is fun to play, but maybe even more enjoyable as a spectator– my wife and I couldn’t stop giggling every time my daughter’s Mii got pegged in the face with a wayward cleat. The THWHACK sound is simply delightful when it’s somebody else on the receiving end.

WIIWARE TO THE RESCUE Free or cheap WiiWare downloads could expand Wii Fit into a real winner. My suggestions:

• ROUTINES The most glaring oversight in the Wii Fit software is a lack of routines, either random or preset. While you’ll occasionally see a suggested sequence to target a specific area of the body, I’d like my trainer to say “here’s today’s routine”– say, five to seven random activites from different sections– and coax me through it. And I’d happily drop a few Wii Points on “Workout Packs”: scripted sequences of activities that focus on specific bodily regions.
• SCALE CHANNEL Sometimes I just want to weigh myself, or my dog, without signing in or doing any yoga. How about a channel that exists only to display how much weight is on the balance board?
• WIIMOTE/NUNCHUCK MAPPING A tool to translate balance board input to any Wii game has the potential to turn the console’s entire library into a calorie-burning collection. Imagine roaming around Super Mario Galaxy by leaning on the balance board rather than twiddling the analog stick, for example, and you’ll get what I’m hoping for. Then again, why not map the right foot to accelerate and left foot to brake in Mario Kart..?
• MORE SONGS FOR THE STEP GAME Nintendo has, at last count, thirteen squillion recognizable tunes in their library. Why not make a few available to keep the step game interesting?

AND SO, IN CLOSING… Nintendo came awfully close to nailing this one… and if they continue to upgrade the Wii Fit experience through WiiWare (or even expansion discs, if reasonably priced), I’d call it a complete success. If it’s not the perfect merging of video games with physical activity, it’s a step in the right direction– and, after all, you can’t even take that first step until you stand the heck up.

SCORE 8.0/10 (potentially a 9.0 or higher, if updates to address the more urgent shortcomings are forthcoming)

Opera To The Masses

I saw my first opera last Saturday– Verdi’s interpretation of Macbeth, at New York’s Metropolitan Opera House. Okay, not at the Met– from the Met. I was actually in a movie theater in Westlake, Ohio.

Beginning late 2006, the Met launched a daring program to broadcast select performances, live and in HD, to movie theaters worldwide. By all accounts, it’s been a huge success: 324,000 people attended movie theater operas last year, filling something on the order of 90% of all available seats. Met manager Peter Gelb has nearly tripled the number of participating theaters for the 2007/2008 season, and expects worldwide attendance from this year’s eight movie theater events to exceed the cumulative attendance of all 225 performances scheduled at the Met auditorium.

The opera itself was truly impressive. I dabble in vocals, and respect the talents of great rock singers, but I’m truly awed by the sheer power of a top-flight operatic voice. Maria Guleghina (Lady Macbeth) in particular blew me away, but I was almost equally impressed by the other principals. Visually, I was taken aback by non-period costuming– this production recast the action into a generic 20th-century conflict, complete with guns and jeeps– but once I got past a brief initial adjustment, I came to appreciate the different look.

(The above are my mature thoughts on the opera. The juvenile in me would like to point out that three hours is a long time to stay focused, and that I was occasionally distracted by Guleghina’s prominent cleavage. Also, opera fans are old; in a large theater filled to near-capacity, Teri and I were among perhaps ten patrons under fifty… and that includes our twelve year-old daughter, probably the only minor in the house.)

The experience itself was as much a highlight as the performance. Probably aware that no sound system can perfectly reproduce the full range of a live performance, the producers augmented the experience for theatergoers with “extras”. From closeups of musicians warming up, to live audiovisual feeds of set changes and directions, to backstage interviews with the stars between acts, the producers offered us insider glimpses that live attendance can’t duplicate.

(The movie audience got a real kick from a stagehand’s muttered “oh, crap” shortly before the performance began, and a blood-drenched John Relyea (Banquo) flashing a peace sign backstage between acts.)

This was a real kick. If you’re already an opera fan, this is your ticket to high-caliber performances, broadcast from a top venue, viewed amidst like-minded seniors folk. If you’ve never seen an opera but think you might give it a shot, this might be a good testing ground– the etiquette is a bit more relaxed when half the crowd is washing down their Twizzlers with 64-ounce sodas.

–Ray

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